Conquering fear...


I'm sitting here and thinking back to how I used to sneak into a night club called Bogie's in East Orange, NJ, at the age of 16, to listen to Slam Poetry...I'd go with a friend, who knew people at the door...they'd let us in and quickly shew us away, hopeful that we didn't get caught, and that if we did, it wouldn't result in them being found out for letting minors in... (ssshhhh)

I remember watching Slam greats ascend the small stage, and lay their hearts on the line... Reciting poems and monologues about everything - love, money, despair, drugs, sex, God, prayer, hope --- LIFE!!! They'd use analogies, and one minute you'd think they were talking about mathematics, but by the time the poem was over, they'd given you a math lesson on death...

I was such a groupie... *blushing*

I'd find a table and quietly sit... never made friends or talked to anyone but my homegirl that I had gone with --- even though she'd get up there at times share something she had written, I never did...(I was always scared to be there because I didn't want to get in trouble, and I was shy --- yes, I was shy lol)... I would marvel at their talent and courage... How did they come up with this stuff? And when did they write? When were they taking the time to memorize it? How could they just get up there like that and perform it?

I had my own little book of poetry that I kept under lock and key... I'd hide it for fear that someone might find it...sometimes I'd hide it so well that I couldn't even find it myself! And check this out, when I would write something that I thought was really good?, I'd read it a couple of times to myself and then rip it up... chances were that if it was really good, I had bared a piece of my soul when writing it, and I couldn't possibly allow anyone to see into my soul, right?

I was the individual who quietly told people I liked to write here and there, but I doubt you can find one person between the years of 1994 - 2015 that could actually say that had read something I had written... I was even on the Executive Board of a club in college called Emerging Black Artists - I was a founding member and the resident poet --- but never once performed or even shared a piece - sounds silly now that I think of it... Imagine that, a person that goes around telling people that they are a singer, but when spanning 20 years, no one has ever heard them sing? I'd share that I wanted to write a book some day, and people would hit me with the, "really, that's nice..." and we would move the conversation right along. I had a few close friends and loved ones who would cheer and urge me along, not because they had been exposed to my gift, but because they had seen a glimpse of passion during conversations --- it wasn't that they knew I could write, it was, more so, that they knew I wanted to... I always wondered why no one really pushed me...

I've learned that people's belief in you often times reaches only as far as your belief in yourself...

Because I was so afraid to let people into my thoughts, and feelings, emotions, and experiences, I didn't allow anyone into my world when it came to writing -- and for that reason, I put the pen down... I stopped writing... I'd think of things to write, and then I'd just let the moment or the feeling pass... I would start pieces of work, and just leave them unfinished... I was so afraid that people would know me if they could read me... I needed to be unreadable...

Fast forward to 2015 --- I needed to transition from unreadable to heard... I had to let some things out...I had to get over that whole, "I don't want anyone to really know what's going on with me..." bit... The jig was up... I'd danced my last performance, and now it was off to learning to just be real - real with myself, and real with everyone else... So I began to write...and if felt good! Liberating! Freeing! I felt accomplished! When I began to share what I wrote, I finally felt seen... and that it was ok to be seen...

It's ok to be seen...

So here I am, 2016, blog launched, people, both familiar and strangers alike, reading what I write --- learning more about me --- seeing parts of my soul --- and not only accepting me, but taking something from my real life experiences, being encouraged through glimpses into my truths, encouraging me to do more... Pushing me to take things a step further... My dreams of simply writing a book have transformed and grown into so much more...

So what happened to that fear that plagued me for over 20 years? With the help of the Lord, and those that love and support me, and with the gift, power and purpose that has always rested within me, I CONQUERED it...

I CONQUERED FEAR!!!

Hey Y'all!!! Party Over Here!!!!! By the way, my name is Charesse Racquel Forbes, and I am a writer, poet, author...and the list goes on!!!!

Nice to finally meet you...

~ Resse

#FearConquered #MoreThanAConquerer #IAmAWriter #IShare #ConnectingTheDots


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I must admit, I was hesitant to create a blog site, for fear that it would lessen my creditibility as a writer...  Let's be honest, there are blogs everywhere, written by any and everyone...  While I myself enjoy reading and following a number of bloggists across all genres of content... 

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